We’ve all been there. A delayed flight and only one crappy airport bar is open, or your hotel is in the middle of nowhere and the options for a well stocked watering hole are slim. It’s times like these I’m happy I’m a bartender and I can quickly sum a place up and know what to order, what not to order, and what drinks I shouldn’t even ask. Picking a cocktail at a questionable bar can be a difficult process even for a seasoned hooch slinger. One needs to deduce the skill level of the bartender, the selection of fresh juices, what garnishes are on hand, the depth of the modifier selection – liqueurs, cordials, amari, etc. – what glassware is stocked and clean, if the bartender even has a spoon and mixing glass, and for God’s sake, make sure that vermouth isn’t sitting on the back bar with a pour spout sticking out of it unless you like drinking vinegar, and fruit flies stuck in your teeth.
Analyze your surroundings. If you’re in a dive bar on a Saturday night and it’s packed, please don’t ask the bartender to stir your Manhattan, they’re far too busy for that. Stick to beer, shots, and 2 ingredient cocktails. Once you’ve taken a look at the situation and realized this isn’t the place to ask for anything that involves much more than chilling 2 or 3 liquids, and maybe a squeeze of citrus, these are the drinks for you. They can be made without fresh citrus, or obscure mixers or bitters, and can be prepared with the standard tools, mixers, and glassware found in almost every bar.
Highball
Highballs are designed to be light and bubbly, refreshing tall drinks. Your classic Gin & Tonic is a highball. Some may even consider the famous Mule to be a highball. When choosing a highball feel free to play it safe by combining vodka with your favorite soft drink, or something simple like scotch and soda. Alternatively, try something more exciting like a craft gin off the back bar that you’ve never seen before, or get a little bitter with Campari and soda with a twist of lemon. Try adding a splash of sherry to that whisky and ginger ale and see what happens. The point is, highballs are a wide category that allow you to experiment, or play it safe. Add a squeeze of lemon or lime to sweeter liqueurs to balance them out. The great thing about a highball is it’s endlessly variable and quick and easy for a bartender to make, plus is it barely feels like you’re drinking at all.
At a slightly fancier bar: Try an amaro and soda with a squeeze of lemon. Amari (plural of amaro) are Italian liqueurs that are grain based and flavored with herbs, barks, and citrus peels, then sweetened and aged. Montenegro and Averna are good gateway amari.
The Martini, and Manhattan
Let’s be real, these two drinks have been made in every bar, everywhere, for over 100 years. That said, not every bar makes them well but they follow a similar formula, that’s why I combined them here. The Martini is a bit more forgiving than the Manhattan. I have had my Manhattan made with bourbon and shaken until it was as thin and dead as Gandhi (too soon?). Both these cocktails should be stirred, every time. The problem is, in the last few decades bartenders strayed a bit from good technique. It wasn’t until the late 90’s or mid 2000’s that bartenders began to focus on classic preparations and skillful execution. Because of this, many union bartenders, and “old timers” tend to shake Martinis and Manhattans. While I will still consume a shaken gin Martini (the Martini is a gin cocktail, btw) I will never enjoy a shaken Manhattan. Always make sure your vermouth is fresh, and be specific when you order. There is nothing wrong – and everything right – with ordering an in-and-out, Tanqueray martini, stirred, straight up with a twist. It sounds pretentious, but it tells the bartender exactly what you want and allows them to get back to work and start making your drink! Just, as always, make sure they have the time to stir your drink. A lot of dive bars aren’t used to making stirred cocktails so be prepared to order something else if the bartender is busy.
At a slightly fancier bar: Have the bartender make a Manhattan, but swap out half the rye whiskey for cognac, add a barspoon of Benedictine and a couple dashes of Peychaud’s bitters. Finish it with a lemon twist and you have a Vieux Carre.
Champagne Cocktail
This is a fun cocktail, a bit sophisticated while remaining playful. It is dependent on the bar having sugar cubes, but we can probably agree that if you are in a place that doesn’t have fresh citrus juice on hand they probably have a dusty box of sugar cubes around somewhere. It’s a little sweet, a little bitter, a little bubbly, and has a little bite. One of the key ingredients in this cocktail is the lemon twist. The oils and aromatics complement the brandy and bitters. A brut Champagne is the best but no one likes a $20 cocktail so whatever bubbly they have on hand will work fine, I’m sure.
At a slightly fancier bar: Get a French 75 with cognac. It’ll change your world.
Shandy
Now technically, or as technical as you can get in the booze world, a shandy is beer and some sort of juice or soft drink. The most common shandy and the most delicious, is made with lemonade. All the citrus variations are delicious with grapefruit being my second favorite. If making a classic shandy with lemonade, wheat beer is the typical beer of choice, although with something like grapefruit you might try an IPA, or get wild with stout and tangerine. Try and pair like flavors. One of my favorite beverage directors – Freddie Sarkis – calls it “flavor echoing”, using different expressions of the same ingredient to show a flavor from different angles.
At a slightly fancier bar: Find out what fresh juices and purees they have on hand and go from there.
Old Fashioned
Again, you’re gonna tell me, “we already know, it’s the world’s oldest cocktail for God’s sake!” But today’s bartenders are putting new twists on this simple combination of sugar, water, bitters, and booze. Now it’s unlikely the bar you’re in is going to have barrel aged bitters or sarsaparilla syrup, but they may have Peychaud’s bitters, an anise forward, carmine red concoction made in New Orleans since 1830. Or maybe they have orange bitters? Try using a different base spirit like rum or scotch. A lot of people are asking for Old Fashioneds made with mezcal, and even anejo tequila as well. The point is, try something a little different than the usual bourbon and Angostura bitters and you will be pleasantly surprised.
At a slightly fancier bar: Find out what bitters and syrups they have and put together a combination that sounds good to you. Alternatively, let the bartender get creative but specify nothing more than sugar, bitters, and booze, lest the barkeep attempt to dazzle you with a 17 ingredient cocktail.
Negroni
Ah, the Negroni. What a beautiful, simple combination of bitter, sweet, citrus and botanicals. It used to be the drink of chefs and bartenders but has recently graduated to find its place on the bar top in front of those simply looking for something different, but comforting. In fact, it’s gained so much popularity recently that some bars batch it. The Negroni is a drink you have to try 3 times before you really appreciate it. I find that to be true with most obsessions. The first time it starts out a little awkward, a new sensation, something enticing and unusual. The second time it feels a little dirty because you start to like it. By the third time you’ve already started to research “how to make big clear ice” on your iPhone.
At a slightly fancier bar: Equal parts mezcal, Aperol, and dry vermouth with a lemon twist. Thank me later.
Aperol Spritz
This one has been showing up everywhere nowadays thanks to a huge marketing campaign by Campari, the company that owns Aperol. But honestly who cares, they are so good! A simple combination of Aperol, sparkling wine, and club soda with an orange wedge leaves this cocktail crisp and refreshing with just enough booze to let you know you are drinking. If you ever forget the recipe just look on the back of the bottle, not the classiest move but hey, if you’ve ever had Toll House chocolate chip cookies or Philadelphia Cheesecake you know what I’m talking about.
At a slightly fancier bar: Still get an Aperol Spritz, it’s a fancy drink.
Rusty Nail
Everytime I see this drink mentioned or on a menu I can’t help but think of that scene from Roadhouse where thugs were breaking cases of Drambuie in the loading dock. Honestly, 1989 was probably the last time this drink was ordered with any sort of regularity. That said, if mixed well it can be a seriously good cocktail. Mix Drambuie and scotch together on ice and finish with a lemon twist. Drambuie is a 40% ABV scotch based liqueur with honey and spices that naturally pairs with its base spirit.
At a slightly fancier bar: Try a Penicillin. The Penicillin cocktail is a modern classic invented by Sam Ross and Milk & Honey in New York. It’s a blended scotch cocktail made with honey, lemon, and ginger and it cures what ails ya.
Stinger
If you want to keep it simple and feel like a 19th century aristocrat, try a Stinger. Made with cognac and white creme de menthe, it was originally created as a digestif enjoyed by the upper crust of New York high society. Back in the day, the creme de menthe acted as an easy way to mask the flavor of low quality brandy, but today we have an endless selection of outstanding brandies to choose from, just don’t go overboard.
At a slightly fancier bar: Get a Grasshopper. Just make sure it’s your last drink or you only have one. It’s a sweet, creamy cocktail that is making a big comeback.
Gimlet
Yes, a gimlet. How, you ask? Well, even though fancy mixologists are making gimlets now-a-days with fresh lime and simple syrup, the original recipe actually calls for Rose’s lime cordial and you know what, it’s not bad! Choose your preference of vodka or gin (choose gin, please) and let the bartender know if you prefer it up or on the rocks.
At a slightly fancier bar: Have them make it with fresh lime juice and simple syrup. This is a classic sour from which the majority of modern cocktails are based; two parts strong, one part sour, one part sweet. This simple ratio creates balance and can be endlessly tweaked to create any flavor you want.
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